Sometimes Men Just Don't Understand

This article by Pamela Stock on Parents website is wonderful. I’m going to share how my husband and I have overcome some typical sources of stress that couples experience.

Time

My husband works full time in the heating and cooling industry. I am a full time senior college student taking 17 credits. My husband has not attended college and for a while thought that my study load was similar to that of a high school senior. He was under the impression that I should have plenty of time to keep the house spotless, care for our daughter, do homework, and even have extra time to lounge around the house lazily before he arrived home from work. HA!

Several arguments and conversations later he has come to realize the time requirements my courses truly take. In addition to everything else, now I am looking into and applying for jobs. That is an extra burden of time. John understands now that college is a full time job by itself, let alone with everything else going on.

Chores

                This ties in closely with time. When my husband believed I had all the time in the world for laundry, dishes, and other chores, he didn’t do them. Well, that’s not fair – he did take out the trash. I was stressed trying to manage school, the house, and care for our daughter. Many times I felt as though I was the only one doing anything. He worked hard all day but I did too. When we got home, he sat on the couch and watched TV while I ran around trying to fit in as many chores as I could while finishing homework. I began to resent him for it after a while.

Communication was the key to fixing this problem, as it is for most. I had to blatantly state how I was feeling and explain myself. I still do most of the household chores but he helps when I need him too. This is the perfect arrangement for us. He cooks a night or two a week and tosses a load of laundry in once in a while. It seems strange that just that little bit of extra help can take so much stress away but it does.

Parenting Styles

John’s parents were really laid back and mine had high expectations. They were the same in one aspect. We could, and still can, talk to them about anything.

John’s parenting style tends to be easy going and mine tends to be stricter. We talk often about how we want to raise Kilynn and when new situations arise we discuss how we want to handle similar ones afterward. Finding a middle ground is easy now since Kilynn is only 16 months old but I am sure it will get harder as she gets older. Having good, continuous, open discussion on parenting now will help us in the future though.

Talk about where you stand on issues with your children. Not everyone has the same ideas on how to raise children and it is best to know how you and your partner feel before the situation arises. How would you react if your toddler hit or bit another small child? How would your partner react? What punishment would there be: time-out, a simple ‘no’, a spanking? Children need clear guidance and it is best to have both parents act alike in situations such as these.

Finances

                Money can be a very difficult subject to address but it is vital that both people are involved in the family finances. My husband couldn’t balance a checkbook to save his life and I love it. He brings home his check each week and I put it in the bank and pay our bills. He doesn’t worry with monthly expenses or how much we spend on groceries each week. However, he does get involved if we have an unexpected expense and talk to me before making big purchases. It is not that he has to ask permission to spend money; it is that I know where our account stands and have a plan for our remaining funds. It keeps us form overdrawing our account or missing due dates for payments.