Happy Halloween!!

Kilynn was Minnie Mouse this year. She loved her costume and introduced herself as “Meany Moose” all evening. Saying please and thank you got her extra candy from most houses and she blew kisses to everyone as we left their home. I hope you all enjoyed your evening as much as we did!

Temper Tantrums

Temper tantrums are a major downside to parenting. They are embarrassing if they occur in public and can make a parent feel guilty even when they shouldn’t. My husband and I decided to combat this problem by trying to prevent them instead of waiting for tantrums to occur.

 

We set rules for our daughter very young, like sleeping in her own bed every night. She does fight us on this every now and then but it doesn’t last very long because we never let her win. Usually she loves bath time but occasionally she doesn’t want to take one. We let her take extra bath toys in the tub when this happens. She never whines about picking up after herself. At only 17 months she picks up all of her toys each night before bed and puts her dirty clothes her hamper. We made a game out of it early on so now she enjoys picking up.

My advice for tantrums is:

1)      Set clear rules and stick to them – Rules are no good if you do not follow through.

2)      Reward good behavior – Focusing on the good helps you to stay positive. Giving attention for good behavior helps reinforce positive actions.

3)      Make things fun – If you show excitement your child will pick up on it. Games are more fun than chores!

4)      Stay calm – Getting upset only makes matters worse. Take a deep breath or walk away for a minute to regroup if you need to.

Finding Mr. Right

Since I am the first of most of my friends to get married, more of my friends are asking me for dating advice. They rarely take it though. One friend in particular, we’ll call her “A”, does the exact opposite of my suggestion each time she asks my opinion. She jumps in, head first, without knowing the guy, and practically plans the wedding and chooses baby names. No matter how badly she is treated, she remains in physically and emotionally abusive relationships. I have never been able to wrap my head around why an intelligent college athlete would tolerate the experiences she has. A video on the subject caught my attention and I thought I’d pass is along. Matthew Hussey runs two global coaching business, one of which (Get the Guy) is dedicated to teaching women how to take control of their love lives. The video below is from his blog.

 

It is rather long so I suggest watching from 2:50-6:30.

 

 

If you are career focused and need a man who is ambitious as well, don’t date a guy who is content to work fast food for the rest of his days. Don’t sell yourself short! Realize how great you are and what you need out of a relationship – then refuse to settle for someone who cannot give you the things you need or who doesn’t appreciate how wonderful you are.

Silly Things People Say

I appologize for missing last week's post. Tonight, you get two!
 

The first day of classes each semester provides several awkward moments for me. Each of my new professors typically have his or her students introduce themselves to the rest of the class and, as usual, some form of “tell us something unique about you” was expected. My introduction always includes that I am married and have a daughter. Eyes usually widen and mouths tend to gape in response to my statement. I am used to answering questions about how long I’ve been married, how old my daughter is, or what her name is. Some of the reactions I receive have been a little more surprising than the afore mentioned general questions.

 

1)      Professor X: Well, what are you doing here then?

Me: I’m here to finish my education.

Professor X: Why?

Me: To get an education, like everyone else in this room.

Professor X: You’re not like everyone else though.

Me: *Pause with a confused look on my face*

Professor X: Well, I just mean… uh… good for you! Moving on…. 

 

Really? I’m not like everyone else? Thank you, Professor X, for pointing that out because I hadn’t noticed yet.  

2)      Professor Y: You’re pulling my leg.

Me: No. It’s the truth.

Professor Y: See me after class. 
 

We met in his office where he explained the work load of his course, although we had gone over it in class not even 30 minutes prior. He then proceeded to advise me to drop his course as it would be too “intense” for me to manage “with that lifestyle” that I lead. I thanked him for his advice and assured him that I would keep up with the material and assignments for the class. After he again suggested that I could not handle his course I replied with something along the lines of “You have no idea what I can handle” then left without another word. I earned a 97% in his class. The next highest grade was a 93%.  

3)      Female student: Oh my God! That’s the best excuse to skip class and homework I have ever heard. Why didn’t I think of that? 
 

Yes. That’s why I had a kid – to sleep in and be lazy.

 

Halloween

Halloween is a fun time for children but parents can have just as good of a time. Last year my daughter was exactly 5 months old on October 31^st but we dressed her up anyway. Picking her costume was so much fun. My husband, who is not easily excited, got really into the spirit. After many ideas, we finally decided on one that we felt would fit our daughter well. Her hair was thick, black, and stuck straight up on its own. Music always caught her attention and she tried to sing along with the radio. Naturally we agreed to dress her as a rock star!

Top: $5, JC Penny

Skirt: $5, Tots to Teens

Tights: $2.50, Walmart

Boots: $5, Tots to Teens

Washable pink hair spray: $1.50, Walmart

Black nail polish: mine

Total: $19

 

  

 Her pink fohawk was a huge hit and

she sang “ooooh oooooh ooooh”

all night long – great fit!

 

 

 

 

Get creative! You can make a costume yourself, find a used one, or put different pieces together to create your own, like we did. There are several sites and videos to gather inspiration from but here are a couple that I think have cute ideas:

Simple, No Sew Costumes

Creative Costumes

Construction paper hats, masks, etc. to pair with clothes your kids already have:

 

 

 

Sometimes Men Just Don't Understand

This article by Pamela Stock on Parents website is wonderful. I’m going to share how my husband and I have overcome some typical sources of stress that couples experience.

Time

My husband works full time in the heating and cooling industry. I am a full time senior college student taking 17 credits. My husband has not attended college and for a while thought that my study load was similar to that of a high school senior. He was under the impression that I should have plenty of time to keep the house spotless, care for our daughter, do homework, and even have extra time to lounge around the house lazily before he arrived home from work. HA!

Several arguments and conversations later he has come to realize the time requirements my courses truly take. In addition to everything else, now I am looking into and applying for jobs. That is an extra burden of time. John understands now that college is a full time job by itself, let alone with everything else going on.

Chores

                This ties in closely with time. When my husband believed I had all the time in the world for laundry, dishes, and other chores, he didn’t do them. Well, that’s not fair – he did take out the trash. I was stressed trying to manage school, the house, and care for our daughter. Many times I felt as though I was the only one doing anything. He worked hard all day but I did too. When we got home, he sat on the couch and watched TV while I ran around trying to fit in as many chores as I could while finishing homework. I began to resent him for it after a while.

Communication was the key to fixing this problem, as it is for most. I had to blatantly state how I was feeling and explain myself. I still do most of the household chores but he helps when I need him too. This is the perfect arrangement for us. He cooks a night or two a week and tosses a load of laundry in once in a while. It seems strange that just that little bit of extra help can take so much stress away but it does.

Parenting Styles

John’s parents were really laid back and mine had high expectations. They were the same in one aspect. We could, and still can, talk to them about anything.

John’s parenting style tends to be easy going and mine tends to be stricter. We talk often about how we want to raise Kilynn and when new situations arise we discuss how we want to handle similar ones afterward. Finding a middle ground is easy now since Kilynn is only 16 months old but I am sure it will get harder as she gets older. Having good, continuous, open discussion on parenting now will help us in the future though.

Talk about where you stand on issues with your children. Not everyone has the same ideas on how to raise children and it is best to know how you and your partner feel before the situation arises. How would you react if your toddler hit or bit another small child? How would your partner react? What punishment would there be: time-out, a simple ‘no’, a spanking? Children need clear guidance and it is best to have both parents act alike in situations such as these.

Finances

                Money can be a very difficult subject to address but it is vital that both people are involved in the family finances. My husband couldn’t balance a checkbook to save his life and I love it. He brings home his check each week and I put it in the bank and pay our bills. He doesn’t worry with monthly expenses or how much we spend on groceries each week. However, he does get involved if we have an unexpected expense and talk to me before making big purchases. It is not that he has to ask permission to spend money; it is that I know where our account stands and have a plan for our remaining funds. It keeps us form overdrawing our account or missing due dates for payments.